Swollen and Bruised

Right now we are sitting in a hotel room in Atlanta.  All 3 of us are about to go crazy.  Reece had his surgery yesterday, and it was a mess.  After we sat waiting for an hour and a half, the doctor came in and said they had not even started.  The anesthesiologist could not get Reece intubated, and they were having to call the head team in and use a fiber optic scope to get the tube in.  We have never had this problem arise before, so it was pretty scary for us.  The anesthesiologist came and talked with us afterwards and explained why they had trouble.  Apparently Reece's neck contracture has worsened over the last two years since his last surgery.  Not only that, but his tongue sits further back, his mouth is smaller, and he had a massive amount of secretions that they had to continuously suction.  When the surgeon came in, he said the actual surgery went well, and he was pleased with the outcome.  We could go home the next day, no problem.  Well, we left the hospital around 4:30 and headed back to the hotel.  Reece lost a tooth during the intubation fight, one that was already loose, but it doesn't look too good with his two black eyes.

We didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and this morning I ended up calling the doctor because Reece had yet to open his eyes.  Dr. Walrath was not concerned and said it would just take some time.  He again told us we could go home, but we decided to stay another night because we just weren't comfortable.  It's now 27 hours since we made it back to the hotel, and there hasn't been much improvement.  He has slept some, and his eyes open the most when he is asleep,  It's creepy, but that's the only hope we've seen.  We've managed to get him to open them maybe a millimeter once or twice, but that's it.  He's frustrated, Nick is frustrated, and I am frustrated.  Before we left, like 2 hours, Nick was on the phone with insurance fighting with them because they had not authorized the surgery yet.  Now, I am overwhelmed with fear that God was trying to tell us something, and we should not have gone through with it.  We've always tried to stay one step ahead of potential problems Reece could have, and when the opthamologist and the surgeon both said this could cause a problem, we thought we were making the right decision.  Now I am literally nauseated with worry that we did the wrong thing.  My little boy is miserable.  He can't watch football, he can't feed himself, he can't even get up and walk around.  He told us earlier that he wished he wasn't alive.  That crushed us.  He won't cooperate, and he is just sitting here.  I'm sick, just sick.  To be totally honest, I want to call off his biceps surgery in December.  I never want to do this again.  I don't know what else to do to help him. We've iced and kept his head elevated.  I just feel helpless and like the worst mother in the world right now.  It all just feels like a big mistake and what if something went wrong and there is permanent damage.  I'm just not in a good place right now.  

We are set to move out of our house next weekend, and I've got to bring Reece back for post op at the end of the week.  I'm overwhelmed and feeling so guilty for putting Reece through so much.  I worry about his emotional health so much now that he's older.  

Please pray for us tonight.  Pray that God will open his eyes for us tomorrow.  I don't know if any of us can take another day of him being so pitiful.  Pray that this was a success, and that it will be evident to us quickly.

With love,

Beth